I meant to post something earlier

But the blogger incarnation of the burrito is no more, folks. I'm going to keep the account open No hard feelings blogger, I found a platform that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, something you never did for me.

;)

Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze!

A summary of the past few days:


*Obtained a pair of stripey neutral toned fingerless gloves/arm warmers. I have seen the path to wrist warmth and I will never, ever take these things off. They are set to become my thing....like the way my friend Mike only wears jeans and a black t-shirt. I hope their organic wool and Nepalese construction holds up.


*Books I am having the library put on hold for me: the ethical slut, everything Marc Acito has ever written, and some Proust that I will never read.


*Have developed a quick and loving parasitic relationship with the space heater gifted to me by my hero and coworker.


*Thinking about doing a master cleanse detox with Klee. The idea of chuggin some organic-mrs-butterworths-and-water-concoction and nothing else for ten days terrifies me, but I do feel rather.....clogged. Considering going the more reasonable route and cutting out smoking and drinking and only eating fruits and veggies for a week. I don't feel like my daily cup of coffee is a problem. Maybe for that week I'll replace it with tea, although caffeine just doesn't affect me that much, whether I'm drinking it or not. And apparently, it shrinks breast size.


*Saw the consumeriffic sights of El Cerrito and even popped a ill-fitting red ked into Richmond with a fantabulous new friend. Also went to Albany Bowl and had a few childhood flashbacks due to the fact that, 1) they have a bar that looks just like the bar my dad worked at and 2) We were surrounded by children. Most days in SF, you're (un)lucky if you see more than five of the little bastards.


*Got back into the L Word. This past season is still ridiculous, but at least it's more upbeat and enjoyable than the bizarro downer of a previous season.


*I need a new calendar. Hopefully there will be a 2009 version:


http://www.menofmortuaries.com/

*Am still writing holiday cards, which are actually post cards that mention nothing about the holidays.

*I am embarassed to say that a juvenile game like Mario Galaxy on wii is starting to become too hard for me to complete without the assistance of Ned and Jake.

*Had the most bizarro dreams about murder and high school for three nights in a row. It was an ongoing plot! All without the side-effect assistance of a nicotine patch!

*PS- I can't believe I get to use the tag "radioactive detox goo" in two posts!

CONCISE LANGUAGE.....pass it on!

Ladies and gentleman,

I am a travel expert. I have not travelled extensively myself, but I happen to know alot of bullshit information about geography and business names. So maybe I find it more annoying than others when dealing with people who take COMMON KNOWLEDGE for granted.

I honest to goodness just got off the phone with a guy who said the following, (he was not the first person who has spewed a toiletbowl fulla redundancies and he wont be the last):

"We, my wife Shirley and myself, Larry Jones. That's J-O-N-E-S, social security number 111-11-1111 would like to go to Dallas, Texas tomorrow, Tuesday, the 23rd of December, two thousand and eight. In Dallas Texas we already have a hotel. The Hotel Dallas, in Dallas Texas, on 110 Cowboy Boulevard, Dallas Texas, 33433. The day we check out, Friday, the 26th of December, two thousand and eight, we have a flight, number 123, at seven am on Continental airlines, departing from the Dallas International Airport. Anyways, I'll get to the point. We will be awfully tired on our way back to Charlotte, North Carolina and we were hoping that there was a Starbucks, the coffee company, near the The Hotel Dallas...."


Folks, I shit thee not....

The more time I spend with scientists....

The more I'm letting my dork flag fly these days.

From: http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=3723

Nisi Drew and the puffy throat

Last spring, when I was having my "holy shit, i've been unemployed for a month and rent is due" garage sale, I parted with my little space heater for $4. It was a powerful little mofo, and very safe. I think it was meant to heat garages and warehouses. In the drafty polar shelf that is my edwardian apartment in the wintertime, that little space heater got me through tough times.

Well, the times they are a tough. My ass is freezing. I honestly considered the pros and cons of adding a pot to piss in to my room so I can avoid the arctic blast of our hallway at night.

I woke up today and suddenly the act of swallowing was difficult. My voice is doing that sexy delta blues thing. I do believe that I have caught something.

The moral of the story is that I could have caught this throat thingie from SO MANY SOURCES and I wish I could pinpoint what it was so I don't feel like such a party hearty hooligan.

Could it have been the four different people I've made out with over the past week?

Or perhaps bacteria/germs/nastiness from the table and cups that held vast amounts of beer and debris from our flippy cup game.

Or could it be something as innocent and simple as an office bug?

While we're at it, is this my body's way of telling me that I work too much?

Is implimenting the five second rule on muni a bad call? What about eating on muni? Or, for that matter, going on muni without latex gloves?

Should I not talk so incessantly?

Or is it some kind of combo of going home only to shower and thus running all over the goddamn freezing bay area with wet hair and flip flops?

Picture o' the day:

Economics, Nisi style

Hmmm, the $12 I forked over on a cab to haul my hungover ass to work could have bought another $12 bottle of Jim Beam.

protein power plate!

IM with my coworker-

Me: i'm making a *$ run, want anything? i'll buy you some coffee or a pastry like substance
dude at office: pastry like substance, wow, you would make a great waitress
dude at office: I'll have a slack-roissant!
Me: chocolate or apathy flavored?
dude at office: emo please? can I have a buttered rickroll?

The day I've always waited for....

Since I was a child, I was never fixated on my wedding day, or the day I'd get my first period, or lose my virginity, or the day of my death. While I suspected that all of those things were inevitible, I knew something else was- the odds of being crapped on by a bird.

I am oddly giddy to announce that today, Tuesday, November 18th, I noticed a dollop of hunter green bird shit on the shoulder of my black shirt. I was walking to work, a mere two blocks from my door, when I noticed it. Luckily I had tissues in my bag, so I was able to get rid of most of it. Alas, reminants are there, and I can't stop staring at my shoulder.

Mazeltov!

schmoozing...

I think I've perfected my method of making things happen for my clients-

1. call the restaurant/hotel/spa, etc

2. act as if i've already been confirmed/told something

3. mention that my client is a major VIP for a huge company

4. get panicky because I am sooooo about to lose my job.

5. wait for hostess to take sympathy on me and transfer me to a manager.

6. Flirt with reckless abandon with a male manager, upping the damsel in distress routine to epic proportions. "Oh my god, you are such a sweetheart! You just saved me my job!" is quite effective. Kiss the ass of a female manager, thanking her profusely for taking time out of her busy day.

7. call my client, unleash my magic on their asses. Attribute it to my powers of persuasion when it comes to such an important client.

8. go home, take an extra long shower to clean off the deceit.