Late Night Survival Guide

While I am by no means an expert on living like a rockstar, I've been in enough antsy, drunken late-night moments of fun deprivation to know what comforts are necessary to keep the party going after last call.

1) If you are a smoker, or if your friends are smokers and you don't mind them stinking up your pad, invest in a tobacco roller, some papers, some filters and some tobacco. Bali Shag and American Spirit tobacco are good picks that go for about $5-6 for a nice sized pouch and papers, if you're broke you can find something like Drum for about $2-3. Unless you're a dirty hippie or some kind of rogue maverick, you probably think rollies are gross- but think about all the times your crew ran out of smokes and bombarded that poor bastard with a half a pack. Desperate people will smoke anything.

2) Keep something like tang or lemonade mix around as an emergency chaser/mixer. It's better than milk.

3) Running out of booze can be tragic, but most of the time it is a blessing in disguise. There's generally a good reason why stores refuse to sell alcohol after a certain hour and chances are, if you're jonesing for a bottle at 3:30, you've probably had enough. I try not to stockpile bottles because a liquor inventory of a significant amount can be wiped out in a single night and that's just a loss of cash, and usually dignity.

4) Ever have a fabulous, or mundane, night out only to head back to your place and zone out in front of the T.V. because it was the only thing around to distract you? That's just boring. Get a collection of board games, art supplies, cards, etc and be the person that suggests some kind of constructive activity. Don't push people to do something they don't want to do and don't be a nazi about the rules. Have you ever played a game of cards where cheating was encouraged?

5) Music should not be too much of an investment, but it should suit the crowd. Don't ever tell a group of drunkards to shut up and listen to the lyrics....man.... and also, don't always insist on being the DJ. Ask somebody else to commandiere your music and make a playlist, it's interesting to see what they can find and create from the songs that you're so used to. And, I hate to say it, but that experimental punk-bluegrass tribute band you so desperately want everyone to know you listen to will probably be ignored in favor of crowd pleasers like Modest Mouse or songs to the tune of "Fat Bottom Girls". Sorry man. Also, don't piss off your neighbors.
6) And finally, a PSA- if you're going to have drunk desperate dawn sex, use a fucking condom.